Noah Can’t Even by Simon James Green (Book Review)

Skittles and Haribo will solve all problems.

This is a hilarious book, following the exploits of Noah Grimes (absolutely no resemblance to Rick & Carl Grimes), his father abandoned him and his mother, his mother embarrasses him at every opportunity, especially with her Beyonce tribute act, school is horrible, his best friend Harry just kissed him and his shoulder to cry on – his Nan – is losing her mind.

He actually reminds me of myself because he worries about everything, is always trying to figure out how to be just a little less unpopular, and he hated PE, just like me.

This book is witty, fun, fast paced with enough intrigue to keep you turning the pages. Really, that’s not a cliché; I read the book in about 36 hours. (I’m reading When everything feels like the movies by Raziel Reid at the moment and it’s not nearly as compelling). The author Simon James Green is a very talented person, he has written for TV, worked back stage on the Westend and you can just imagine Noah trouping out on stage in an Agatha Christie production. Green claims the book is somewhat biographical and his writing style of short sharp sentences, manic train of thought and a book that just flows so quickly is a joy to read.

With great news last summer (2017) that Noah Can’t Even might be bound for the big screen, hopefully following in the footsteps of Love Simon which is being released in March 2018, I hope this book stays on recommended LGBT reading lists for many years to come.

There is a sequel due this summer – Noah Could Never – and I can’t wait to get my hands on it.

I definitely have no hesitation in recommending this young adult book, to both young adults and old adults, it’s a gem, easy and fun to read. (There are a few suggestions to s-e-x but as Noah is even afraid to say the word, there's nothing it it that teens shouldn't read). I give Noah Can’t Even a 10 out of 10 planets. 

Other LGBT books I have reviewed are

Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan HERE

Queens of Geek by Jen Wilde HERE

When Everything Feels Like the Movies by Raziel Reid HERE

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli HERE

John The Captain Ryan

Venom (Movie Review)

Venom is a great re-imagining of another Marvel classic. 

(source)

Another trip to the Arc Cinema in Wexford, where the staff are lovely and the premises are spotless and comfortable (and wheelchair friendly to boot).

This has been a much awaited movie and whilst getting mixed reviews I really liked it. The criticism, some of it warranted (unoriginal storyline, Disnefied down to a 15 cert & Venom character not being bad enough) still doesn't detract from the main positives of the movie for me.

  

But to start with ... the plot:

Journalist Eddie Brock begins looking into a shady businessman, whose experiments into alien symbiotes (i.e. creatures that have to bond with another being to survive) are putting innocent people in danger. However, in the course of his investigations Brock becomes infected with one of the symbiotes, quickly realising it possesses sentience and striking a deal with the creature now sharing his body – well kind of. They become VENOM. But you have to say that in a husky voice in your head.

In a formulaic manner, they attempt to quash the evil and win the day. This is where the movie lets us down. The original character of Venom wasn’t such a good guy so Marvel fans are annoyed and rightly so, I think the creators, so used to bringing us stories of good vanquishing evil, didn’t know what to do with the Venom character so fell back on the usual movie trope. However, the sci-fi and fantasy nerd is a much more discerning movie goer, we’ve shown how we don’t necessarily want the usual movie trope, Sin City and Deadpool come to mind so the creators dropped the ball here.

 

HOWEVER ... DUM DUM DUM ... If you are not an aficionado of the Venom comics or Marvel universe this will not matter to you. Without this prior lore knowledge the story line is fine and as Venom is a stand-alone movie, you need not have seen the other 100 movies based in the Marvel Universe to enjoy it which is another plus.

The comedy is very good and lightens the movie somewhat. The scene when Venom says hello to Brock when he is brushing his teeth is laugh out loud stuff and the timing is also brilliant. Before Brock figures out what is happening the conversations in his head are hilarious.

The Cast.

Tom Hardy stars as Eddie Brock, and he also voices the symbiote, effectively playing two different interlinked roles in the same movie. He does a brilliant job and the start of the story where he is coming to terms with his new parasite is very funny, although it does take too long getting anywhere.

Michelle Williams also stars as lawyer Anne Weying, Eddie’s girlfriend, who becomes a different version of Venom herself in the source comics. There will be a sequel, although it will be the story of Carnage rather than a Venom 2 (I think) but I’m looking forward to more of Anne’s story.

Rounding off the main cast Riz Ahmed plays villain Carlton Drake, the real baddie who wants to destroy the earth. Another plus to note, Marvel/Sony has  again considered representation and not whitewashing the whole cast. 

The Nitty-Gritty

The music is amazing with Eminem dropping the soundtrack. Even the end sequence (you will watch because you need to see the final scene) marries the soundtrack with some fab artwork – kind of like a symbiosis of Venom tentacles and Rorschach drawings. Cool stuff.

(source)

The special effects are stunning and the fight sequences are brilliant – exactly what we have come to expect from Marvel, still outshining DC by a mile. There is a chase sequence which is great, Venom on a motorbike and the baddies all driving massive black suburbans. 

Whilst the chase scene is a really entertaining and fast paced addition, it’s a little bit unbelievable that a motor bike couldn’t get away from a few 4 wheel drives. In reality of course in a city full of traffic the motorbike is king. But it is a cool bike so what the hell – it’s a Ducati Scrambler, here are its stats. I WANT ONE!

Chase scenes are much more realistic when proper bikes are used and if you’re a bit of a motorbike fan like me you appreciate when directors use real, honest, proper fast bikes in their creations. One of the most exciting chase scenes to ever grace our screens, IMHO are in The Matrix Reloaded – Trinity on the Ducati 996 – at its time and still the 996 is one of the fastest most viciously accelerating bikes to every be built. The 996 has propelled numerous riders to victory of the years. (read more here)

Tying it all together in a nice little bow

I’m going to tentacle hurl an 8 out of 10 planets at Venom. Even though the movie has problems with the storyline, you’ll still come out of the cinema with a smile on your face that will overshadow the bad bits and you’ll remember the funny bits especially. It was too slow getting into the meat of the story, but, in its defence, it’s hard to tell the origin story in a shorter time. With nearly 40 minutes left on the cutting floor which would have made the movie an 18 cert, I hope we get some of them back in an Directors Cut on the bluray release. This could probably propel the movie to a 9 or even 10 out of 10.

John The Captain Ryan

My top reviews of the year - Top 12

So, I’ve been blogging for a little more than a year now and have reviewed loads of things. Thanks to the Western Regional Section of the LAI and the Rudai 23course I’ve gotten off to a great start and published over 100 blogs so far. I’ve reviewed loads of books, movies and TV series. It would have been cool if it were a top 10 list, but it turns out I gave 12 reviews a 10 out of 10 planet, so here is a round-up of the best of the best:

I have to start with Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda(Book Review). This is by far one of my fave reads in the last year, an amazing book written by Becky Albertalli telling us of the story of Simon, how he is as normal as most other teenagers with the same problems and – oh ya – he’s gay.

 

Quote: "Your real friends will not have a problem when you come out and if they do, well they weren't true friends in the first place. You can go and find some better ones"

 

This is closely followed by Love Simon, a seminal movie for the LGBT community, the first proper – big budget – big production of a young teens coming out story based on Albertalli's book.

 

Quote: "You get to exhale now, Simon ... You get to be more you than you've been in a very long time”

  

Deadpool 2 (movie review) is the fab sequel from the Marvel Universe; it's possible the odd occasion where the sequel is better than it’s predecessor.

Quote: "the soundtrack, it's just amazing. Songs like Celine Dion's "Ashes", Dolly Parton's "9 to 5," and even "Tomorrow" from Annie accompany some of the movie's most violent scenes, making for a delightfully weird playlist.  Weird yes, perfect also yes "

  

History is all you left me  (Book Review) is an amazing book dealing with love, loss and rebuilding one's soul. The author Adam Silvera is great, check out all the other titles he has.

Quote: "The short sticatto sentences are brutal and honest. In one paragraph we learn so much about Theo. The last sentence is just perfect. Sums up the whole book really. It’s been one month since you lived. It’s a beautifully written story of grief, rebuilding and hope. A must read"

The supernatural horror - The Lodgers (Movie Review) - was amazing and to see something filmed in my home town of Wexford is great. An awesome screenplay by talented writer David Turpin makes this a must see. 

Quote: "When you see the interior parts of The Lodgers, the closest movie I can compare it to is Crimson Peak. Seriously, the visuals and feel of the crumbling building stack up against the multi-million-dollar creation of recent Oscar winner Guillermo Del Toro" 

Noah Can’t Even  (Book Review) is one of the funniest reads I've gotten my mitts on in ages. Another must read by the very talented Simon James Green

Quote: "Skittles and Haribo will solve all problems"

 

 

Ant-Man and the Wasp (movie review) is another great movie from the Marvel universe. A great plus is that it is stand-alone and can be viewed without extensive knowledge of all the Marvel movies over the last few years (of which there has been way way too many)

 

 

Quote: "The fight scenes are awesome, the special effects are brilliant but more than anything the story, dialog and interactions between the characters are really funny"

 

 

As part of the Rudai23 course I was doing, here's a blog on using the App Quik which allows you to make a video/photograph slideshow with a soundtrack 

 

 

Quote: “ It was really intuitive and with no instructions one could use it straight “out of the box”

 

 

 

Logan (movie review)

 

One of my fave ALL time movies, Logan is the story of (Wolverine) and Charles (Professor X), in this time-line they are the only two superheros left in the World.  Patrick Stewart (who might return as Captain Picard) proves yet again that he is one of the best actors to ever grace the screen. We also cannot discount Hugh Jackman - possible the Greatest Showman on Earth, only gets better with age.

 

I also speak about the "Disneyfication" of movies in this review. 

Quote: "Stewart is amazing, portraying the role of an old man losing control over his mind with poignant understanding and realism"

 

 

 

I came across this gem of a book in work and just had to add it to my blog - Declaration of the Rights of Boys & Girls.

 

 

 

Quote: "The illustrations are fun and cheerful, girls having the right to be dirty and boys having the right to wear pink ... the book does a fantastic job of spreading a message of equality without being preachy or insulting to anyone’s faith ... It is quite frankly a book that every child from the age of 3 should have on their shelf"

 

 

 

Last year we saw the remake of IT by Stephen King, hitting our screens with mixed reviews but I loved it.

 

 

 

I talk about remakes and then review IT. The second part is due to be released in September 2019.

Quote: "Final Verdict:  A massive success that will instil a fear of clowns for generations to come"

And finally, my first podcast (but hopefully not last) I reviewed 3 movies together with Black Panther getting the highest marks. All I can say is it's an awesome movie and of course #Representation Matters

That's me all done. Please like and follow me on FACEBOOK to keep up to date with all my blogs.

Thanks for reading and thanks for all the fish.

John The Captain Ryan

Shake Dog's best burger in Wexford town.

By far the best burger and shake in town.

Shake Dog in Cornmarket, Wexford, just opposite the Art's Centre is Wexford's American style diner, and a couple of months ago acquired a new manager.

New management has brought consistency and freshness to all the food served and without a doubt they serve the best burger and shake in town. You can get a mean meal for €12 which consists of any burger/Dog, any side and a drink. This time around I went for a Smoke House Burger, side of BBQ wings and a vanilla shake.  For those wary about extra carbs you can get any of the burgers without the bun if you want (WTF - just eat the whole burger fat-ass!).

So, it's all about the burger. I used to feel a little silly going to a restaurant and ordering a burger but in the last few years burger creations have got fantastic. If you have ever been to Bobo's in Dublin you will know what I am talking about. Every burger gets compared to theirs (my fave is the small one on Wexford street.)

Returning to the Smoke House, when building a burger it's all about the combinations of flavour and texture. Every burger doesn't need to be smothered in ketchup, tasteless iceburg lettuce and cheap yucky cheese. Shake Dog gets the combination just right. A lovely fresh toasted bun, and from the bottom up - nice zingy relish, an amazing juicy burger, smoked cheese, slice of bacon, burger sauce and topped off with a fab lightly battered onion ring.   

After this humongous burger, the BBQ wings were tasty and light with a zingy sauce and washin' it down with what seemed like a never-ending vanilla milkshake, all I can say is "stuffed.com" 

There was great music playing & whilst their service is not quite up to the standard of  another huge american franchise the food is equally as good.  The venue is spotless and completely wheelchair accessible. 

I give Shake Dog a 9 out of 10 planets. it loses half a point because Bobo's burgers are the standard that any burger gets judged against and the service could be a little sharper - but that's really nit-picking. All in all, a great experience and I would have no problem recommending my friends to fill their gullet holes at Shake Dog in Wexford.

John the Captain Ryan. 

Handsome Devil. (Movie Review)

Director and Writer John Butler injects his own highly personal take with lashings of Irish humour and a gutsy helping of genuine heart and emotion.

Handsome Devil, released in April 2017 centres on an ostracised teenager Ned (Fionn O'Shea) at a rugby-obsessed all boys boarding school in Ireland whose new roommate Conor (Nicholas Galitzine) is the school's new rugby star-player. The two form an unlikely friendship until it is tested by those around them. RTE1 showed the movie during the week, it’s also available on DVD and even Netflix – so you should have no problem getting your hands on it.

Apart from the fact the story is a little clichéd – boys boarding school, indifferent parents, the young gay boy being bullied, the courageous English teacher (channelling Robin Williams in the Dead Poets Society) it is a realistic representation of school life in an all boys secondary school. (That’s from age 12-18 if you’re from another country). 

(source Hollywood Reporter)

So, yes, it’s a clichéd formulaic story that we’ve seen before but the Director and Writer John Butler  injects his own highly personal take with lashings of Irish humour and a gutsy helping of genuine heart and emotion. It’s well worth a go and even Rotten Tomatoes gives it a rating of 81%. It has won many Irish awards and Hollywood Reporter is also a fan - 

“Winning performances from Fionn O'Shea and Nicholas Galitzine as odd-couple pals, plus nuanced work from a terrific Andrew Scott as a man who practices what he preaches by stepping out from the shadows, make this a feel-good "It Gets Better" tale that should speak to young audiences — LGBT teens in particular.” (Hollywood Reporter)

A special mention goes out to Irish actor Andrew Scott who plays the role of the English teacher Dan Sherry pushing the boys to find their voice and who they are. I love when he stands up for Ned when the class are making disparaging comments, with a visceral wit all he needs to say is “The next person to make a single solitary sound of any sort is in hideous trouble.” Short, sharp and perfect. There is also a lovely moment near the end of the movie, where Dan attends a rugby match and introduces the Principal to his boyfriend. Again, another simple line delivered in a nonplussed way – “Arthur's me fella.” Just like that, those 3 little words and the teacher (who could have been fired for being gay) practices what he preaches. The courage it takes Dan and the manner in which the Principal reacts is a sweet poignant moment but still quintessentially Irish. Saying lots without saying much at all. Ya, go Irish Men for using very few words. Both the writing and directing of those 10 seconds is magic.

(source)

Another thing John Butler writes about is how taunts and mannerisms get handed down through generations and lose their point of reference. None of the boys can explain why they make a sort of nasal “Ewww” noise when bullying supposedly gay colleagues. Older viewers will immediately recognise a Kenneth Williams impersonation devised by fathers (or possibly grandfathers) many years earlier. But this is exactly the sort of crap that went on in my secondary school (many moons ago) and maybe still goes on.

Handsome Devil has received critical acclaim, winning the award for Best Irish Feature of 2017 from the Dublin Film Critics' Circle; four nominations at the 2018 Irish Film and Television Academy (IFTA) Awards, including Best Feature Film; and the Best Single Drama Award at the annual Celtic Media Festival in 2018.

For me, this is clearly the Irish version of Love, Simon (Movie Review & Book Review). It might not translate well outside of Ireland because of its wit and writing style but it’s a must see for young LGBT Irish & British people. I’m giving it a 9 out of 10 planet review (it loses a planet because of the clichés.

John The Captain Ryan