We are the Ants by Shaun David Hutchinson (book review)

Hi all,

Whilst stuck at home during the lockdown of Covid-19 I've taken the opportunity to catch up on some reading. Check out my latest review, my fave book so far this year. 

I give this amazing book a rating of ten out of ten. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

John The Captain Ryan

The Inexplicable Logic of my Life by Benjamin Alire Sáenz (Book Review)

Hi all, I haven’t been blogging for a few months – life has a tendency to get mad at times but I haven’t stopped reading books or binging on Netflix so over the next few weeks I hope to get back on track and catch up on some book reviews.

The Inexplicable Logic of my Life is an amazing book written by Benjamin Alire Sáenz who also brought us Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe which I will be blogged about later in the month. This is Book 5 in my 52-weeks, 52-books challenge.

Plot Summary:

Seventeen-year-old Sal (Salvatore) lives in El Paso, Texas, with his adoptive father, a gay Mexican-American art professor named Vicente Silva. Vicente assumed responsibility for Sal after his mother died, when Sal was just three years old. (The connections between Sal’s mother and Vicente don’t become clear until late in the book, when Sal finally opens a letter his dying mother wrote and left in Vicente’s care.) Although Sal is white, the adoption secures his place in the heart of a loving Mexican-American family, which is headed by the matriarch Sal comes to know as Mima. 

As his adoptive grandmother, Mima refers to Sal as her “hijito de mi vida,” and the adoration is mutual. The warmth of the Silva family magnetically pulls in two other teen characters. Sal’s best friend, Sam (Samantha), is locked in raging conflict with her mom. Another friend, Fito, suffers the effects of a drug-addicted mother and an absentee dad. In order to survive, Fito must hold down two after-school jobs. (more here)

Alternative Book Covers from Goodreads

My tuppence:

There is a huge amount going on and Sal’s best friend Samantha keeps him grounded, their constant communications by text keeping them in contact – they sometimes even text each other when they are in the same room. Sal is dealing with homophobia, losing his grandmother, growing up and all the other stuff that adolescents go through and he’s not doing very well. He is throwing punches and questioning everything. When Samantha’s mother dies in a car accident she goes to live with Sal and Vicente and then the edition of Fito to the mix is fantastic and reinforces to Sal how lucky he is to have a loving and supportive family.

The book deals amazingly with the exploration of self and identity and it’s something we all go through. During the story the love of Vicente’s life –Marco - makes a reappearance. Vicente, once gave up on the relationship with a man he loved when that man said he didn’t want to be a stepfather. At first Sal isn’t in favour of Marco’s return as he knows how hurt his father was but it enables Sal to see how lonely his father is. Sal realises that as he will be leaving for college his father shouldn’t be alone and deserves another chance at love. But central to the story is how we deal with loss, how Samantha comes to terms with the loss of her mother – even though their relationship was always rocky and how Sal deals with losing his Mima when she is diagnosed with late stage cancer – their relationship couldn’t be more different than Sam and her mothers.

There are some great quotes in this book (find a selection of them here) and this is my fave:

(source Bongbong book blog)

Whilst slow moving the book is well worth a read, the way Sáenz deals with the topic of loss and grief is brilliant and heart wrenching. It just keeps you turning the pages. However, this slow pacing style will turn people off and in comparison to other young adult novels it is certainly aimed at the more experience reader.

Benjamin Alire Sáenz (born 16 August 1954) is an award-winning American poet, novelist and writer of children's books. You can read more about him here

Here is another great blog review about The Inexplicable Logic of my Life.

The verdict, a great read for either adults or advanced young adult readers, I give this book an 8 out of 10 planets.

John The Captain Ryan

Handsome Devil. (Movie Review)

Director and Writer John Butler injects his own highly personal take with lashings of Irish humour and a gutsy helping of genuine heart and emotion.

Handsome Devil, released in April 2017 centres on an ostracised teenager Ned (Fionn O'Shea) at a rugby-obsessed all boys boarding school in Ireland whose new roommate Conor (Nicholas Galitzine) is the school's new rugby star-player. The two form an unlikely friendship until it is tested by those around them. RTE1 showed the movie during the week, it’s also available on DVD and even Netflix – so you should have no problem getting your hands on it.

Apart from the fact the story is a little clichéd – boys boarding school, indifferent parents, the young gay boy being bullied, the courageous English teacher (channelling Robin Williams in the Dead Poets Society) it is a realistic representation of school life in an all boys secondary school. (That’s from age 12-18 if you’re from another country). 

(source Hollywood Reporter)

So, yes, it’s a clichéd formulaic story that we’ve seen before but the Director and Writer John Butler  injects his own highly personal take with lashings of Irish humour and a gutsy helping of genuine heart and emotion. It’s well worth a go and even Rotten Tomatoes gives it a rating of 81%. It has won many Irish awards and Hollywood Reporter is also a fan - 

“Winning performances from Fionn O'Shea and Nicholas Galitzine as odd-couple pals, plus nuanced work from a terrific Andrew Scott as a man who practices what he preaches by stepping out from the shadows, make this a feel-good "It Gets Better" tale that should speak to young audiences — LGBT teens in particular.” (Hollywood Reporter)

A special mention goes out to Irish actor Andrew Scott who plays the role of the English teacher Dan Sherry pushing the boys to find their voice and who they are. I love when he stands up for Ned when the class are making disparaging comments, with a visceral wit all he needs to say is “The next person to make a single solitary sound of any sort is in hideous trouble.” Short, sharp and perfect. There is also a lovely moment near the end of the movie, where Dan attends a rugby match and introduces the Principal to his boyfriend. Again, another simple line delivered in a nonplussed way – “Arthur's me fella.” Just like that, those 3 little words and the teacher (who could have been fired for being gay) practices what he preaches. The courage it takes Dan and the manner in which the Principal reacts is a sweet poignant moment but still quintessentially Irish. Saying lots without saying much at all. Ya, go Irish Men for using very few words. Both the writing and directing of those 10 seconds is magic.

(source)

Another thing John Butler writes about is how taunts and mannerisms get handed down through generations and lose their point of reference. None of the boys can explain why they make a sort of nasal “Ewww” noise when bullying supposedly gay colleagues. Older viewers will immediately recognise a Kenneth Williams impersonation devised by fathers (or possibly grandfathers) many years earlier. But this is exactly the sort of crap that went on in my secondary school (many moons ago) and maybe still goes on.

Handsome Devil has received critical acclaim, winning the award for Best Irish Feature of 2017 from the Dublin Film Critics' Circle; four nominations at the 2018 Irish Film and Television Academy (IFTA) Awards, including Best Feature Film; and the Best Single Drama Award at the annual Celtic Media Festival in 2018.

For me, this is clearly the Irish version of Love, Simon (Movie Review & Book Review). It might not translate well outside of Ireland because of its wit and writing style but it’s a must see for young LGBT Irish & British people. I’m giving it a 9 out of 10 planet review (it loses a planet because of the clichés.

John The Captain Ryan

Tess Holliday is amazing. End Of.

Body image activist scores huge with Cosmo magazine.

Firstly, I've said it before and am saying it again. When did we start using the term fat-shaming and body-shaming. Let's call it what it is. BULLYING. Plain and simple. And it's not just "banter" either.

Being a larger than life person myself, I just love the story of Tess and her battle against body-shaming. She is an inspiration to anyone that's not a size zero and she has bad-ass tattoos also. 

I've previously blogged about fat-shaming in the LGBT community it's refreshing to see the issue hasn't gone away, much like neither myself or Miss Holliday couldn't be swept under the rug without leaving a large hump in the middle of the living room floor. The uproar on the internet the last week has been crazy although not surprising with a bevy of keyboard warriors complaining but an equal number of people replying to them to sling their skinny assed stupid ideas back where they belong.

Piers Morgan tops the list of stupid comments tweeting ...

as if skinny people don't use the burdened public health system in Britain. And let's face it, Piers isn't the best looking with that stupid tan anyway. As his twitter quote says "One day you're the cock of the walk". He is just a cock (IMHO).

But here's what matters, when all is said and done, Holliday said she's just pleased to finally be happy in her skin: "I'm at the heaviest I've ever been in my life and it took me being the heaviest to finally love myself". Mental health and well being is the most important thing. We need to start teaching our children to be proud of who they are and how they look. Yes, being physically healthy is important, I wish I was 4 stone lighter - purely to alleviate back pain -  not to stop OTHER people making comments and assumptions about me.

I love the message she is sending that she would have loved to see a plus-size woman in a magazine and how it would have stopped her spending so much of her youth agonising over her size and appearance. Sasha Brown-Worsham agrees and hopes her daughter doesn't waste her formative years. 

And to those prudes out there that don't want to see large people wearing underwear and being (and feeling) sensual they must forget that for every shape, size and colour out there; there is someone that likes and loves that look. And no, that's not being a fetishist, that's living in the real World. Whilst pictures of Tess in underwear do nothing for me (hello! Gay here) I can appreciate that others would like and love her. And anything would be better that the emaciated size zero look of Keira Knightly:

A note of caution though, whilst actors can be self deprecating and poke fun at themselves and their own size (and I'm thinking of you Amy Schumer) sometimes they can be hiding deep-down worries and insecurities. The layers of fat can be literally covering over huge problems. Comedy can't fix what's broken inside and anyway Melissa McCarthy is soooooo much funnier than Amy Schumer. Check out Melissa's latest movie The Happytime Murders to see what I'm talking about.   

Not enough has been written about body-shaming and fat-shaming - correction BULLYING - for men and I hope this changes.  In the meantime that's my tuppence worth. And to all those out there that love the larger person I would applaud you if I could get my chubby short lazy arms around my ever expanding belly.

Thanks.

John The Captain Ryan

Back-to-school time not so joyous for some students (All Parents of school going children - Please Read)

Shocking news came out of the great U S of A earlier this week of a nine year old boy taking his own life after being bullied in school. One student actually told him to kill himself.

Jamel Myles had come out to his mom earlier this summer, and started wearing fake fingernails on August 20, the first day of school for his fourth grade year. Thursday, 23rd August at 11:17 p.m. was his time of death. 4 days back at school was all it took. 

   ...   4 DAYS   ...

(It's taken me longer to put this blog together)

Read more HERE, HERE and HERE.

As a parent of a school going child, are you aware that the school, under current guidelines from the Department of Education (Ireland) are supposed to have an Anti-Bullying policy? The full 45 page policy document from the department can be found HERE.Of course it is 5 years old at this stage so if school followed the guidelines back in 2013, they need to update their policy.

But, if you don’t have time to read it, here’s a summary:

1. All Boards of Management must formally adopt and implement an anti-bullying policy that fully complies with the requirements of these procedures. A copy of the policy must be available to parents, pupils, all staff and the Parents Council (if one exists).

2. The Department were very kind to provide a template document to schools, unfortunately a lot of schools have copy-and-pasted the template document and inserted their school header. Very little thought, in some cases, as been put in by the schools.

3. The policy should outline the actions to be taken in the instance of bullying, the procedures the school should take and a step-by-step recording and evaluation of ALL instances of bullying that have occurred.

4. All instances of bullying should be reported to the Board of Management and the BOM must undertake an annual review of all reported instances. This review must also be made available to parents. The school must put in place an action plan to address any areas for improvement identified by the review.

5. Descriptions of best practice, types of bullying and actions to be taken are all explained. Initiatives, programmes, awareness and prevention SHOULD also be a major part of the policy.

6. ALL instances of bullying of a serious nature and/or are ongoing SHOULD be referred to the HSE Children and Family Services and/or Gardaí as appropriate

7. The effectiveness of the school’s anti-bullying policy should be subject to continuous review in the light of incidents of bullying behaviour encountered.

Homophobic and transphobic bullying are specifically mentioned in the policy as areas that need attention. This is because of the following statistics:

70% of LGBT students do not feel safe in school

Half of all LGBT students reported that they had been bullied in the last three months. - One third reported frequent (weekly/daily) verbal abuse, with a slightly higher number (34.3%) stating that they experience frequent verbal abuse about their sexuality.

1 in 4 missed or skipped school to avoid negative treatment due to being LGBT+.

1 in 4 reported indirect verbal bullying through spreading of rumours and lies

1 in 3 young LGBT+ people aged 14 – 18 have attempted to take their own lives because of bullying, rejection and pressures to hide who they really are. 

1 in 10 young LGBT leave education early.

Sources HERE , HERE and HERE. 

Now, here’s how you as a parent can help.

Contact your school and ask for the following:

a. A copy of the Anti-Bullying Policy

b. A copy of the latest review by the Board of Managament

c. A copy of the action plan the school has to address the findings of the BOM.

AND FINALLY...

d. To highlight the concerns for LGBT pupils please ask the school to take part in the Stand Up against LGBTI+ bullying event that Belong to run every November.

(Belong to is a fantastic organisation that supports young LGBT people in Ireland. Find out more about them here: http://belongto.org/ )

Please pass this on to other parents you know. Between all of you, you can make your child's school a safer place. Please let me know if you get a satisfactory answer from the school.

Thanks

John The Captain Ryan.

Fashion & Fat Shaming from an Irish Gay Mans Perspective.

Firstly, answer me this... When did we start using the term FAT SHAMING instead of BULLYING. Because that's what it is. 

So, you've probably seen this t-shirt and read a few articles about it. I'm intentionally NOT mentioning or linking to the merchant of this product because it will get their website more hits, but you get the idea. Let me tell you this,  if I saw someone wearing this item of "fashion" on the high street they'd be getting a piece of my mind.

For many years, I and lots of my friends have been fighting for equality and dignity. The right to not be attacked and discriminated against because of our sexuality. Lots of us have also fought for the Equality rights of others ( e.g. the Repeal referendum in Ireland a few weeks ago and to release Ibrahim Halawa).

But something insidious has been happening in the LGBT community, and maybe has always happened. We spend an inexorable amount of time ridiculing and chopping each other down. 

From a young age (8 or 9) I was always bullied in school. Not because I was gay but because I was overweight. There has NEVER been a time in my life where I have been the "perfect" weight. And let's call it for what it is.

It's BULLYING. Plain and simple.

It's not Fat Shaming... like somehow you are going to help by shaming the person to lose weight...
It's not banter or "bants"...
It's not having a laugh...

Neither is it because the person is STUPID, UGLY, LAZY, not into SPORTS or INACTIVE. I am none of these things.

So, fashion in the Gay community. Yah. That's great fun. The stereotypical flamboyant gay, flapping his wrist, half carrying/covering his ass with a 28 inch waist & 6 pack has no problem buying trendy fashionable clothes off the rack.

Go into any high street store. Jeans stop at 36 inches. They might have a 38 or 40 inch behind the counter or hidden in the store room because fatties aren't supposed to be able to buy jeans but you have to go and ask. Ya, lets make the overweight guy stand out even more. Then you go into the shop where they have perfect sized sales assistants who you just know are going to laugh their heads off when you dejectedly skulk from the store realising that the largest jeans they have on offer might just about traverse one of you arms.

Very few stores in Ireland stock any of the popular brands like Levi, Wrangler or Ben Sherman in large sizes and let's face it, these brands are American, they must come in fat bastard size.

Here's where it gets worse in my opinion. We are faced with a ubiquitous amount of dating apps. Over 20 years ago in Ireland, LGBT singles (and some couples) used yahoo chat groups. Remember them. Then on a really slow dial-up around 15 years ago we started to use Gaydar. Since then we have GrindR, Squirt, Hornet, Scruff, Growlr, and even Recon for those with a kink or fetish.  Great you might think to yourself. 

WRONG. 

This is just more opportunity for those perfectly formed, ab growing, white skinned, hair quaffed pretty boy to post up their dislikes. No fatties, No fems, No chocolate (aka black people) , No rice (oriental people), No gingers. The list is never ending. But what is amazing is how they are comfortable openly listing the way in which they are happy to discriminate and bully other gay people. Where do they get off with this attitude. Without that butch queen, the flamboyant fem and the obnoxious drag queen fighting for their rights, they wouldn't have the World to live in that they have today. 

But let's get back to fashion and who is to blame. I don't blame the fashion industry. No, really, I don't. 

I blame the shop owners, retail chains and store buyers for not demanding larger sizes for their rails. 

I want to be able to walk into a store and grab a few things off the rack and try them on. Find stuff that fits me well and just buy them. Yes, I still have to get my jeans taken up because I have a 27 inch inside leg but that I can live with that. I never pass by a Burton's without going in because I can always find stuff to fit me there. Last year I even bought a suit for an interview OFF THE RACK! 

Burton's in Blanchardstown Shopping Centre is great. 

But for my final rant.

WHO THE F@&K CAME UP WITH SKINNY STYLE JEANS.

If I ever find them, I will have to go up to them on street and give them a piece of my mind also. It's all fine and good if you are a stick person but trying to wedge my legs into a skinny jeans that actually happens to have 40 inch waist just doesn't work. My large foot won't even go half way down the leg. (and you know what they say about big feet).  There has been a huge amount of work done promoting larger sizes for women and the same needs to be done for men. 

Finally, there is a happy ending. I found a lovely group of gays in Dublin that organise social nights. The Dublin Bears. They are a great group of guys who don't make fun of each other and when we go out, we have enough stamina and girth to outlast, out dance and out strut all those skinny little twinks that prance around pretending to be Gods gift. I've often said to people "Find Your Tribe" and these are one of the most genuine friendly tribes in the Gay community in Ireland. 

The Dublin Bears had a bus at pride this year with some of the hottest guys in the parade...

And, this is a picture of me... 

Me on the left, 2 friends in the middle and my hubby Noel on the right. Pride for me is all about being proud about who and what I am. Suspenders are trendy these days so at least I was wearing one fashionable thing. (Don't tell anyone, I've been wearing them for years because they are more comfortable than a belt)

Toodles for now.

John the Captain Ryan.