A letter to the parish priest (who also happens to be my Godfather)

“Ignoring a son or daughter who has homosexual tendencies is an error of fatherhood or motherhood ... the child should be brought to a psychiatrist.”

Dear Father,

It is with heavy heart and trepidation that I write to you today.  Less than a week after the Pope has visited Ireland.

Nobody writes letters anymore so I though the best way to say what I need to say in a constructive manner and in a medium that you can perhaps ruminate on and digest is actually in that very same medium.

I haven’t seen you since before I got married. I was sad when neither you, your brothers, their wives or children attended my wedding, a celebration of love and family. I can only speak for myself but I can say that I was and am still hurt by the fact that not one person who shares your surname attended my wedding.

For the first 30 years of my life, being a good, honest and devout catholic was a huge part of my life. As I became the person I am today, for my own peace of mind and mental health I had to say goodbye to a huge part of my identity. Losing one’s faith is not an easy thing. I used to love singing in the church choir and did so for over 7 years in Bride Street church. The love and support the church CHOOSES to give to those members of the community that prescribe to its teachings is beautiful and fulfilling. A common argument thrown at me is that being gay is a choice. If you are one of the people that believes this, then I would ask you to slightly change your viewpoint to “God has chosen for this person to be gay”. I need to tell you now, and if you take nothing else from this letter, please believe me when I say this:

The manner in which the Catholic church has turned its back on LGBT people is cruel and hurtful. There is a huge hole in one’s heart without faith.

You are a person of very strong faith, you are very intelligent and well educated. The Catholic church continues to this day to CHOOSE to judge Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender people. You are of a generation that you may not understand some of this. Guess what. That’s ok. I won’t even bring more modern labels into the mix like cis-gender, non-binary or gender fluid. But I would ask that you do not judge us. The last time I checked, God is the only one to judge us.

How would you feel if you woke up in the morning and your faith was wrenched from your mind and heart. How would you feel if everything you believed in all your life was gone. But not by your own choice. By the judgement and choice of others in the Catholic church.

*******

I need you to re-read that previous paragraph.

                      

*******

How do you feel being part of a church that has not only made dreadful mistakes in the past but continues to be cruel and hurtful to LGBT people today. Only last Sunday (26^th August 2018) your Pope and God’s representative on earth said that:

“Ignoring a son or daughter who has homosexual tendencies is an error of fatherhood or motherhood ... the child should be brought to a psychiatrist.”

To continue against all modern science and to still believe that being LGBT is an illness that needs curing is simply wrong. To suggest to a child or their parent that their child is intrinsically disordered and evil is wrong. The only thing evil and wrong is the Catholic church continuing in this vein of thought and teaching. I only hope you don’t believe in the concept of “pray the Gay away” and so called “conversion therapy” which will soon be outlawed in Ireland.

There are many reasons why people are leaving the church in their droves just like Moses led the Isrealites except no sea has had to be parted. It will take the church a long time to recover from the mistakes of the past but it needs to start fixing this wrong and welcome LGBT people and their families to the faith without judgement and condemnation. Ireland has changed over the last 3 years. The Irish Catholic church has two choices. It can decide to open its heart and love to the whole community or it can continue down its current path. If it takes the latter, your followers will be more devout and faithful but will harbour hatred and judgement in their hearts. Eventually the Red Sea will close back in and swallow those left and the Catholic church will be no more.

In my sinful opinion, every priest, including yourself needs to look towards your community. And yes, it is YOUR community. Don’t take that lightly. You can lead your community. You can be responsible to teach love and understanding to all members of your community. You can ensure that no child in YOUR school is ever bullied for being Gay (did you know that 70% of LGBT children say that schools are not a safe place for them).

I hope that you take this opportunity to reflect on the current situation and if you like, I would love the opportunity to discuss it further.

John Cunningham-Ryan

Your Godson.